WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize