Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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