You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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