carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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