I'm gonna have a badass scar
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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