Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
