I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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