Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
