lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
