How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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