i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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