Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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