Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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