I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
