I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
