i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
