I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
