I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
