woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
