I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
