Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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