Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found your dick twin last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just blew my weed a kiss
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
