He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
