he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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