I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
