i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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