I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
