Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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