The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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