he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
