i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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