Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize