I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
