haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
NoShamevember. You game?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
