You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
