So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
