3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
