Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
