She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
