Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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