A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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