She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize