Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
