Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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