Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
