Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
