Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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