i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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