Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm at about main and main street
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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