Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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