Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
