OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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