I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
