Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
