So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
