My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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