So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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