We won't sleep together?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
