She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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