You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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