counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
