We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
