I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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