The brown eye won't let me do that either.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
