Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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