if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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