One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
